Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The mystery of change

Although its late for me (ie. after midnight) the most rapid reversal yet to occur with my depression has taken place. Two days ago I couldn't sleep and couldn't get out to collect the mail. Last night I had the first decent night's sleep (in about a month) and earlier today I managed a project, negotiated a settlement of terms to a financial situation (on behalf of a friend travelling overseas), undertook some home duties, nursed a sick 3yr old daughter, and caught up with a good friend in the evening! Easy!

How things change. Whilst I have had hypo-manic reactions in the past (ie. manic symptoms) this was not it. It was a rapid return to normality.

I know in general my health is on the mend - my energy and mood is evening out. But I still suffer.

I don't care why anymore. I don't care how anymore. I'm not angry and bitter about the world or God or the universe anymore. I don't regret or grieve for my life anymore. I don't even care to reconcile the daily/weekly/monthly changes in my health anymore. I am simply living my life to the fullest that my health will let me - warts and all. No regrets.

6 Comments:

Blogger Don 'Lidzi said...

Congratz!

Live like the best way you possibly can.

There's little we can do about circumstance sometimes, but a lot we could do about attitude.

I'm chuffed u bounced back.

5:18 PM  
Blogger broke said...

thanks for this wise post - it helps me,
take care
B

9:29 PM  
Anonymous Friend of a friend said...

Hi! I am a friend of a friend. I read some of your blog and wanted to comment in the hope that it may contribute to your journey in some way.

I had suffered with depression for years. These are some of my learnings in overcoming it:
* When I became really determined and certain I want to end depression, I found a way.
* Depression is not something that happens to me - it something I create through my mental and emotional habits.
* I can change these habits
* I can change how I feel in a heartbeat if I want to.
* Identify and deal with limiting beliefs.
* Get some perspecitve about my life - experience the 3rd world, do something for someone else, think about what I can contribute to others less fortunate than myself.
* Notice what I'm doing when life is flowing and full of energy for me. Do that.
* Accept myself without having to perform - I am okay!
* Keep doing the things that help me balance my life - exercise, diet, water, time with friends and family, time with God, connecting with and looking after myself

I have found Tony Robbins materials really really helpful in giving me tools in this journey.

Keep searching - you only have to live with this as long as you want to.

11:57 AM  
Blogger simplejean639 said...

very nice posts! It helps a lot to all readers:D

1:35 PM  
Anonymous sewa mobil jakarta said...

Nice article, thanks for the information.

12:52 AM  
Anonymous http://1loseweightfast.com/phentermine.html said...

I think you are on the right way - on the way oа healing

2:34 AM  

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