General update - health and career
I can say that I did bounce back as expected on Thursday and have not looked back. A few points of interest in my health and career are worth noting.
Health
Although I crashed on Monday afternoon/evening through to the end of Wednesday it was not the same crash in health that I had been accustomed to. I was certainly immobilised by the crash but I did not suffer healthwise in my mind as previously. It is hard to explain the distinction I am trying to make but perhaps I can best explain it by suggesting the crash was more like an immobilisation through tiredness/exhaustion. Previously when I crashed it also impacted my zest for life, my motivation, and my head would get more than just a little hazy - it would often include a level of agitation and I would be unable to think clearly or concentrate.
Hopefully all this is a sign that my health is improving. It's sure taken long enough to get to this point. I feel more in control of my health outcomes as I seem to be well enough that I can manage the amount of activity at a near normal level and just back off when I need to. I think the improvement in my health means I can operate my life on a sustainably productive level although still with some significant constraints on my activity. Time will tell but I am feeling more confident of this than at any other time throughout this second major episode.
Career
Things have taken a very interesting turn here. The contract work with my client has been consolidated with an additional role in a large project he is undertaking. This naturally means I need to be able to put in more time and energy to his business and whilst nervous about this I am confident that I may be able to manage this reasonably competently. I have been able to negotiate a downgraded priority on the contract work I was doing so I am sure I will be able to engage the project with the necessary time and energy putting time into the contract work where there are lulls in the project.
The great thing has been that we are both on the same page where my role is concerned. Our expectations for each other are also well grounded. We have agreed in principle to the type or role to play and to financial terms, and whilst we have both taken on a certain level of risk in this arrangement (he with my health, me financially) there is an excellent opportunity for this to prosper for both of us.
So I'll leave my update at that except to put in a little teaser about what reflections on my depression I will work on next. I have addressed boredom and humiliation fairly well and will leave those topics there for now. I have touched briefly on anger and frustration but would like to say a little more on these. I have barely addressed grief, despair or hate in the way I would like to. Also, I want to address the impact on, and role of, my spirituality throughout depression as well as my fleeting encounter with panic attack and psychosomatic (imaginary) pain. So hopefully I can become particualry inspired about one of these topics and provide an update on them soon.
Health
Although I crashed on Monday afternoon/evening through to the end of Wednesday it was not the same crash in health that I had been accustomed to. I was certainly immobilised by the crash but I did not suffer healthwise in my mind as previously. It is hard to explain the distinction I am trying to make but perhaps I can best explain it by suggesting the crash was more like an immobilisation through tiredness/exhaustion. Previously when I crashed it also impacted my zest for life, my motivation, and my head would get more than just a little hazy - it would often include a level of agitation and I would be unable to think clearly or concentrate.
Hopefully all this is a sign that my health is improving. It's sure taken long enough to get to this point. I feel more in control of my health outcomes as I seem to be well enough that I can manage the amount of activity at a near normal level and just back off when I need to. I think the improvement in my health means I can operate my life on a sustainably productive level although still with some significant constraints on my activity. Time will tell but I am feeling more confident of this than at any other time throughout this second major episode.
Career
Things have taken a very interesting turn here. The contract work with my client has been consolidated with an additional role in a large project he is undertaking. This naturally means I need to be able to put in more time and energy to his business and whilst nervous about this I am confident that I may be able to manage this reasonably competently. I have been able to negotiate a downgraded priority on the contract work I was doing so I am sure I will be able to engage the project with the necessary time and energy putting time into the contract work where there are lulls in the project.
The great thing has been that we are both on the same page where my role is concerned. Our expectations for each other are also well grounded. We have agreed in principle to the type or role to play and to financial terms, and whilst we have both taken on a certain level of risk in this arrangement (he with my health, me financially) there is an excellent opportunity for this to prosper for both of us.
So I'll leave my update at that except to put in a little teaser about what reflections on my depression I will work on next. I have addressed boredom and humiliation fairly well and will leave those topics there for now. I have touched briefly on anger and frustration but would like to say a little more on these. I have barely addressed grief, despair or hate in the way I would like to. Also, I want to address the impact on, and role of, my spirituality throughout depression as well as my fleeting encounter with panic attack and psychosomatic (imaginary) pain. So hopefully I can become particualry inspired about one of these topics and provide an update on them soon.
posted by Blackdog at 11:12 AM
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