Update - A return to health and looking forward
I haven't given a decent update for a few days so I thought I'd turn my hand to that today. I have begun the second part of my trilogy on humiliation and am about half way through it. I was flagging in my concentration to remember and process the events surrounding the beginning of my second major depressive episode that I needed to give it a break. So I have decided to reflect more easily on what's been happening over the last week.
In many ways it's just been the usual week for me with one exception - its been my best week healthwise since I have come down with this second episode of depression. Whilst I have had more productive weeks when I was still working full time with my depression my health has not been better. I've wisened up as to how I push myself when feeling 'depressed' so that I don't exacerbate my symptoms and due to this policy I have had a very full and busy week but I have also only had two half days where I needed to crash a bit and recouperate. I just paced myself when I was feeling a bit 'depressed'. I honestly can't describe how fantastic it is to feel energetic and alive again.
With this renewed vigour I have been more aggressively considering how my future is to be structured in terms of work and career. I have had good feedback from my existing client based on the work I have done for him so far. He has made his final downpayment on the current contract I have with him (which means I have completely met the financial goals I set for my business to December) and he even asked me to become more involved with his business at a management level as per some of our prior discussions.
I have been writing quite a bit lately as well and have been developing concepts for books and plays that I can publish. In the last couple of weeks I have decided on four children's books that have particular merit in their concept and I am determined to write them over the Christmas break. I have also begun to develop a concept for a play about depression that I think will also have some merit - but I am less certain of this. I have a few friends that I can bounce this idea off and refine or change if necessary. But I am enthused at the possibilities in this area at the moment.
Either way, the question hanging over me at the moment is whether the writing I am doing is a distraction to the management work I have begun or whether it is something I can do alongside it. I am definitely committed to developing a business relationship as far as I can with my existing client and have been considering quite seriously whether I will stop at one client and write or attempt to develop my client base to my business models number of four or five and not write. There is not time in the day to do both well so a decision is definitely pending.
I am getting excited just being able to consider these possibilities again. I am adamant that even if I decide early which way to jump that I won't rush in to it and overwhelm myself so greatly that I will again fall ill. In all this planning I still have to consider my role in the family. I will not extend myself in a way that compromises the stability that is finally being found in my home, a stability that is prevailing even with the depression and its negative impacts.
In many ways it's just been the usual week for me with one exception - its been my best week healthwise since I have come down with this second episode of depression. Whilst I have had more productive weeks when I was still working full time with my depression my health has not been better. I've wisened up as to how I push myself when feeling 'depressed' so that I don't exacerbate my symptoms and due to this policy I have had a very full and busy week but I have also only had two half days where I needed to crash a bit and recouperate. I just paced myself when I was feeling a bit 'depressed'. I honestly can't describe how fantastic it is to feel energetic and alive again.
With this renewed vigour I have been more aggressively considering how my future is to be structured in terms of work and career. I have had good feedback from my existing client based on the work I have done for him so far. He has made his final downpayment on the current contract I have with him (which means I have completely met the financial goals I set for my business to December) and he even asked me to become more involved with his business at a management level as per some of our prior discussions.
I have been writing quite a bit lately as well and have been developing concepts for books and plays that I can publish. In the last couple of weeks I have decided on four children's books that have particular merit in their concept and I am determined to write them over the Christmas break. I have also begun to develop a concept for a play about depression that I think will also have some merit - but I am less certain of this. I have a few friends that I can bounce this idea off and refine or change if necessary. But I am enthused at the possibilities in this area at the moment.
Either way, the question hanging over me at the moment is whether the writing I am doing is a distraction to the management work I have begun or whether it is something I can do alongside it. I am definitely committed to developing a business relationship as far as I can with my existing client and have been considering quite seriously whether I will stop at one client and write or attempt to develop my client base to my business models number of four or five and not write. There is not time in the day to do both well so a decision is definitely pending.
I am getting excited just being able to consider these possibilities again. I am adamant that even if I decide early which way to jump that I won't rush in to it and overwhelm myself so greatly that I will again fall ill. In all this planning I still have to consider my role in the family. I will not extend myself in a way that compromises the stability that is finally being found in my home, a stability that is prevailing even with the depression and its negative impacts.
posted by Blackdog at 2:44 PM
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